Thursday, May 3, 2012

Long Time

Well, well.  If it isn't the good old blogging format.  Although I've wanted to write, something has been keeping me from it.  Perhaps it's my insane schedule or the repeated disappointments in my life but I think it's high time that I return here to "journal" (gads I hate that term) my life now.  Or blog it.  I think blop might be a better term.  Welcome to my blop where I plop my random thoughts, dreams, and disappointments for the world to view.  Blop.

Today is sort of the day which broke the camel's back.  Over the past year I've applied for two jobs in which I was interested, interviewed and was denied; we put the house on the market twice (fingers crossed for a sale!), and most recently (today) our three year old son is in the process of being diagnosed for some sort of developmental disorder like autism spectrum.  Oh the joy!  High balls all around!  Or a glass of Fat Bastard on the deck if you are me today.  Mental health day = drink on the deck in the unseasonably warm day.  Cheers!  Oh, and my developmentally delayed dog appears to be trying to "git" the reflection off my laptop on the side of the house.  Real American genius, that one.

On the brighter side, did I mention that I am drinking on the deck in the sun.  Oh hell yes.  And listening to the U2 station on Pandora.  Crying at work can lead to prompt acceptance of a vacation request for the afternoon.  Thank you, understanding bossman!  For the rest of the day I think I will work on some reading, writing, and imbibing.  Or I'll just stare out into space.  Either works.  And then I will plan.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Being Awesome Again

Did you miss me?  I certainly missed you!  If you might have gathered, I am super good, like as in super hero good, at starting a project but not so great at finishing it. And here, my project is me.  I can't not finish me, can I?  That makes no sense (something which happens with great frequency!)  So I am starting again.  Our 2 1/2 year had his tonsils and adenoids removed and tubes place in his ears so my focus for the last few months has been worrying about him and then worry a lot more.   On top of that we have had two weddings out of town and a trip across county.  I know, these are all excuses and you can't make excuses while working on being awesome so...  Starting September 1, I will reclaim my journey to awesome.  What can we expect?

1. A routine of exercise including yoga and cardio.
2. Healthy meal making.
3. Sketching some life goals.  Nothing huge but nonetheless, needed.
4. Finding joy in my daily life.
5. Remaining positivity in the face of negativity.

So the 3 of you out there, would you join me on this? 

Monday, January 17, 2011

And So I've Returned

Well, hello there.  Yes, it has been awhile since I've posted about attaining "the awesome."  Don't get me wrong, I have had a load of posts in my head but for some inexcusable reason, there they remained.  Here I am.  I have returned to explore my journey to better mental, physical, spiritual, metaphysical (huh?) and social health.  I hate resolutions because one of my problems with getting to reach awesome is my inability to follow through and finish a task.  I am easily distracted by shiny objects.  But becoming wicked awesome is not a resolution.  It is my promise myself to make my life and those lives around me better.  I will break it down.

Physical Health:  At this point, I weigh more than I ever have in my entire life, not including my pregnancy.  This is not good for several reasons.  First, I have numerous pretty pretty clothes which don't fit over my bum...and hips and chest and arms and oh shut up.  You get the point.   What a huge waste.  Plus, my cardiovascular fitness and strength are pretty pathetic.  In order to be able to chase around Mr. Awesome (the son,) I need to get my arse in gear and find me some fitness. 

Further more, I have been getting sick.  And not just sick, like here is a cold and BAM, sinuses, meet bacterial infection, bacterial infection, meet my sinuses.  I feel run down, tired, gross, and older than my stated age.  This is not good. 

Okay, then, what I have done?  I have a workout buddy who is meeting me at the Y four days a week for Zumba, step, swimming, and some weight training thrown in for laughs.  I say laughs because think of a T. Rex and that is basically my physique.  Ridiculously big and strong legs with sad wussy arms.  I am taking prenatal vitamins again and eating more whole foods in the hopes a better diet will not only help me lose weight but make me better at fighting off infection.  Oh yeah, and I am doing the online Weight Watchers Program. 

Mental Health: I am a pessimistic sarcastic Sometimes that is okay but usually it is not.  My independent studies have shown that if I tell myself that "TODAY WILL BE F*CKING AWESOME!" it is.  It is not fool proof but smiling, refusing to think everything is going to hell in a hand basket, and not assuming everyone is a jerk seems to make a difference.  No, I don't actually think everyone is a jerk but in my field of work, that tends to be the rule, not the exception.  There I go, making negative assumptions.  Again, this is a work in progress. 

Spiritual Health:  Basically, I want to find my personal grace.  I am not your traditional go to church, praypraypray, have a cookie and wine at the end and go home type of girl.  I mean, I can do that from time to time but it is not really me.  I want to believe that there is a guiding force which wants everyone to be awesome and it's possible and it is up to us to do it.  So, yeah, I am putting away my crystals now...

Metaphysical Health:  Just kidding.  I'm not that smart to discuss that.

Social Health:  What does this even mean?  Well, let's start with friendships.  I want to be a better friend.  I want to be less judgemental.  I want to be supportive, loving, and kind.  I suppose I am all of those but sometimes, I can feel jealous or get annoyed to easily at my friends.  That's okay sometimes, I suppose but I need to be careful not to let those feelings get the best of me.  I want to be more open to more friendships and nurture the ones I have. 

So this is where I start.  Most likely, this blog will not involve my twelve steps to wicked awesomeness.  Are there twelve steps?  More like eleventy THOUSAND.  But this gives you an idea of what is going on, what is motivating me these days, and hopefully, you will stick around through this wacky journey o' mine. 

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Those Who Cannot Do...

Teach!  After a busy yet fun weekend, I completed my Power Point presentation for Monday's class.  Although I feel overwhelmed, stressed, and moderately anxious and/or depressed about my full-time gig, I feel a certain energy when I prepare for and teach my class.  There is something about finding ways to engage my students which makes me happy beyond words.  Sadly, this is a one time, one semester opportunity at this point.  However, I am in search of more.  A posting for a position which seems to be right up my alley is still there.  I applied while I was overseas but I never finished my application packet.  Yes, I know there a few of you reading who might have words for me.  Have we met?  Girl who cannot finish a project?  Girl who is afraid to make a decision?  Girl who is terrified of change? 

Lately work in my "trained" profession is becoming draining and my focus is to the point where I do not trust myself.  I dream about packing up all of my personal items and never looking back.  I dream of ignoring phone calls, letters, and deadlines.  I dream.  And that is all there is: a dream.  Instead, I need to grab those metaphorical reigns and giddy-up.  Now that I have my first class almost under my belt and better ideas about what works for me as a teacher, gawd I love that word to describer me, I feel like I can resubmit my application packet, in full, and perhaps get their attention.

And I need to stop being scared now.  Do I want to continue to be sad, afraid, and hopeless?  Hell no!
 I need to be happy, fearless, and hopeful.  Especially when I have the most darling little boy in my life who does not need his mama to be a grumpy gus.  He, no we deserve better. 

My goal for the end of this week will be to complete this application packet.  Unfortunately I have a lot of obligations, including finishing my course prep, going to the biggest collasol waste of time, and a creating my first examination.  But this is important stuff, folks.  And the time is now. 

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Attitude Adjustment

After many years of being a pessimist and believing nothing positive can happen to me, I am starting to open my eyes to the possibility of goodness.  I think having a baby and watching him grow and learn about the world around me has been an eye opener and a lesson.  I need to see the good and believe in good.  So far, it seems to be working.  All of this might sound gushy and schmaltzy.  I know.  It totally does to me.  But I feel like if I can change the way I think, then I can change my life to achieve that wicked awesomeness that has been eluding me.  And I need to articulate my goals, make a plan to achieve them, and act on them.  Based on Maggie Mason's Life List, I am starting life's goals.  Some of my goals are grand, others small, and some might take a lifetime to achieve.  In no particular order, I give you my first five:

1. Achieve balance in my career.
2. Take a road trip to Zion, Arches, Canyonlands, and Bryce with my family.
3. Finish what I started.
4. Buy a great outfit at a thrift store.
5. Lose 37 pounds by my 37th birthday (9/13/11).

Sunday, September 26, 2010


I spend entirely too much time complaining about the status quo, my status quo and yet I am doing nothing about it.  Day after day I daydream about the perfect job and the ultimate career/life/family balance.  In fact, I have a whole plan embedded in my brain.  Oh yeah.  It's serious.  Discussion after discussion with family and friends about what I want to do with my life occur day after day after day. 

And here I am, working at the same job having the same daydreams.

But there is more.  It's not just my career.  It's an overhaul of my attitude, my priorities, and most importantly, control over my journey. 

It's time to start packing my bags for my journey to that special place: Wicked.  Awesome.