Teach! After a busy yet fun weekend, I completed my Power Point presentation for Monday's class. Although I feel overwhelmed, stressed, and moderately anxious and/or depressed about my full-time gig, I feel a certain energy when I prepare for and teach my class. There is something about finding ways to engage my students which makes me happy beyond words. Sadly, this is a one time, one semester opportunity at this point. However, I am in search of more. A posting for a position which seems to be right up my alley is still there. I applied while I was overseas but I never finished my application packet. Yes, I know there a few of you reading who might have words for me. Have we met? Girl who cannot finish a project? Girl who is afraid to make a decision? Girl who is terrified of change?
Lately work in my "trained" profession is becoming draining and my focus is to the point where I do not trust myself. I dream about packing up all of my personal items and never looking back. I dream of ignoring phone calls, letters, and deadlines. I dream. And that is all there is: a dream. Instead, I need to grab those metaphorical reigns and giddy-up. Now that I have my first class almost under my belt and better ideas about what works for me as a teacher, gawd I love that word to describer me, I feel like I can resubmit my application packet, in full, and perhaps get their attention.
And I need to stop being scared now. Do I want to continue to be sad, afraid, and hopeless? Hell no!
I need to be happy, fearless, and hopeful. Especially when I have the most darling little boy in my life who does not need his mama to be a grumpy gus. He, no we deserve better.
My goal for the end of this week will be to complete this application packet. Unfortunately I have a lot of obligations, including finishing my course prep, going to the biggest collasol waste of time, and a creating my first examination. But this is important stuff, folks. And the time is now.