Sunday, October 3, 2010

Those Who Cannot Do...

Teach!  After a busy yet fun weekend, I completed my Power Point presentation for Monday's class.  Although I feel overwhelmed, stressed, and moderately anxious and/or depressed about my full-time gig, I feel a certain energy when I prepare for and teach my class.  There is something about finding ways to engage my students which makes me happy beyond words.  Sadly, this is a one time, one semester opportunity at this point.  However, I am in search of more.  A posting for a position which seems to be right up my alley is still there.  I applied while I was overseas but I never finished my application packet.  Yes, I know there a few of you reading who might have words for me.  Have we met?  Girl who cannot finish a project?  Girl who is afraid to make a decision?  Girl who is terrified of change? 

Lately work in my "trained" profession is becoming draining and my focus is to the point where I do not trust myself.  I dream about packing up all of my personal items and never looking back.  I dream of ignoring phone calls, letters, and deadlines.  I dream.  And that is all there is: a dream.  Instead, I need to grab those metaphorical reigns and giddy-up.  Now that I have my first class almost under my belt and better ideas about what works for me as a teacher, gawd I love that word to describer me, I feel like I can resubmit my application packet, in full, and perhaps get their attention.

And I need to stop being scared now.  Do I want to continue to be sad, afraid, and hopeless?  Hell no!
 I need to be happy, fearless, and hopeful.  Especially when I have the most darling little boy in my life who does not need his mama to be a grumpy gus.  He, no we deserve better. 

My goal for the end of this week will be to complete this application packet.  Unfortunately I have a lot of obligations, including finishing my course prep, going to the biggest collasol waste of time, and a creating my first examination.  But this is important stuff, folks.  And the time is now. 

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